Friday, March 23, 2018

First Friday without Kelsie.

Well, it's now been 7 days without dear Kelsie.
It was one week ago she got very sick and she had the episode at 11:30 pm. I'm remembering many good things about my very good dog. She was a real sweetie and always wished to please. The photo above is June 2002. 

This photo was taken in Barriere BC in August 2002. We decided to take a trip up there. We never did it again with Kelsie! Of all the strange things, Dora decided to take her black cat too, when she heard we were taking Kelsie. Kelsie wanted so badly to get that cat! It was quite a rigmarole to say the least. I feel very worn out with grief. It's still the strangest thing to realize I will never see Kelsie again.
Goodnight sweet dog.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

First Thursday without Kelsie.

Today I felt very flattened.
It seemed as if life had no colour or flavour.
I think it's all caught up with me. Robert was all set to head to work in Surrey. I didn't want him to go. It's only been one week since his gall bladder surgery. Robert usually doesn't listen to me. It gives me angst. However, a co-worker said he had to stay home today, and told him that his meetings would be organized by conference call. So I'm grateful to that person! It somehow helps to have him here. I keep looking for Kelsie. The photo above is from April 28, 2002: her very first birthday.

I made a special "cake" for her. She loved it.
I'm working through the 2002 photos now. We surely had many good times together. You don't realize how good your life is, until it has sped by. 
It was very cold and wet today. It poured all morning. No little dog to let in the back door and rub off with the towel. No little dog shaking herself until her collar rattled. No smell of wet dog filling the kitchen. The weirdest thing to me is that no one is there to let out often. I feel bereft and very lonely.

This photo was taken in June 2002, at Trout Lake. Kelsie loved going to parks in the car. She loved car rides. She loved exploring. She was a great companion for Matthew.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

First Wednesday without Kelsie.

Today Robert worked from home. Yes, indeed, only one week after his surgery. It's spring break, so our normal routine is gone at the moment. Usually Robert heads off to Scout Canada meeting with his cub scouts. He's a leader and enjoys it immensely. When the weather was good, and when Kelsie felt more peppy than she has been the past 2 weeks, she would always know when he was returning home around 9 pm and she would always be anxiously waiting at the back door, looking out the sliding glass door to see if she could see him. Each night Robert would take her for a walk around the block. On nice evenings I would often go with them. Lately the walks were very slow, and just up to Wellington, across the street, up half a block, and back. That's all she could manage lately. Just a week ago, before Robert went on his trip to Victoria with the cubs, we took her for a long walk, as she seemed up to it. We walked all the way to Ann Street and back along the lane and up Ruby. Kelsie was going really slow by the time we got half way up the street. That was our very last long walk together.

 I took her for her very last walk, just by myself, last Friday March 16. Little did I know it was the last. We went up the street, to the right, and down the back lane. Kelsie seemed really happy and I'm so glad I had that last wander with her. She was a terrific walker up until last summer. I even walked all the way to my parent's home last May, although that nearly did her in. I miss my walking buddy so much. We often took afternoon rambles together, and it was really sad to see her get older. But of course it was inevitable! She didn't have any arthritis as we left the laundry room floor on for her each night. Lately I'd just kept it on full time as we've had a very cold and damp winter. The first photo above is of Paul and Matthew walking Kelsie in Oct 2001. On that day she was 6 months old. The last photo was taken Feb 20. This is the last dinner photo with Kelsie in it; she always loved to have her picture taken!

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

First Tuesday without Kelsie.

Little Kelsie, in June 2001.
She fit in immediately.
She was always such a good dog.

Matthew loved her too, and when he moved away in Nov 2008, Kelsie couldn't figure out where he went. Life is full of ups and downs; full of joy and heartbreak. Most of the days flow in a pattern, but then comes the time for a big upset and turmoil. It felt like that when Matthew moved out on Nov 28, 2008. I didn't want him to go; he was only 19. But he was very independent. Yet I still had Kelsie as she remained here with us. That was a big help to me, as the ache caused by Matthew leaving was very painful indeed.

Now that little Kelsie is gone, the pain has grown deeper. Tonight was the first Tuesday without Kelsie at suppertime, and the first Tuesday with Matthew here, but no Kelsie to greet him. She always seemed to know when he was coming, as I'd clean house and scrub all day. She just loved it when he was here. Up until recently, they would play energetically together, and sometimes in the evening if it was warm we'd all go for a walk together. As Kelsie got older, this happened less and less.

However last Tuesday, which we didn't know was our last one together, she sat near us at supper and whined a lot. Because she wasn't eating well, I only was giving her dog food, but that night I gave her some raw carrot which she gobbled down. She also ran to the back door when Matthew and Robert left at 10:30 pm to go do the risers, and she hadn't done that in a while. She wanted to go out too, to see them off. It was like she was saying good-bye.

The past few days I've been looking through all the photos I took of her in 2001, and I've been putting them in a special album on my Facebook page privately, so I can view them on our smart TV. I have so many lovely photos. It really helps to re-live the memories, as Kelsie now lives in our hearts.

Monday, March 19, 2018

First Monday without Kelsie

Today was the first Monday without my little pal.
It was an easier day than yesterday.
Yesterday it felt like my heart was physically broken with pain. I never knew you could feel like that over the death of a little dog. 
It helps that Robert is recuperating from gall bladder surgery from only 5 days ago. What a week this has been.
As I remember the things Kelsie did, and how many memories I have of her, I'm writing them down and will share some of them here. These photos were taken Sunday, Sept 23, 2001. It was Kelsie's first walk in Central Park in Burnaby. She just loved it!

I'll never forget that day as in the evening, Robert's mother, Ruth Houben, died. Twelve days before that was 9/11. It was a terrible time in my life, but Kelsie added such joy.
Here Kelsie has spotted her first squirrel. Matthew enjoyed walking her, and played with her for an hour after school each day. They were best buddies. When Matthew moved out in Nov 2008, Kelsie didn't know where he had gone. He visited once a week every Tuesday since then, and Kelsie would often wait and watch for him at the kitchen door, when it was time for him to come home on Tuesday evening. Somehow she always seemed to know it was his day.

Kelsie was always happy, and whenever I had a migraine, she sensed something was wrong, and she would lay by my side in the bed the whole time I was recuperating, or she would sit on my feet. She was my ray of sunshine on the darkest day. It helps to write about her, and remember all the good times. We had 17 years together!

Sunday, March 18, 2018

First Sunday without Kelsie

Today, March 18, 2018, was a very sad day.
When I got up and went downstairs, there was no little sleepy dog in the laundry room curled up in her warm bed. Sometimes she would be waiting at the gate, anxious to be let out. Lately she slept in often, and had to be called to go outside. I had taken her bed and blankets out yesterday and thrown them away. I had also thrown away her water and food dishes, as it hurts too much to be reminded that dear Kelsie will no longer need them.

The saddest thing of all was when I made French toast for breakfast, and as I was eating it, the tears began to flow. I always saved a little piece for her; I had done so recently as she loved French toast with real eggs; she wouldn't eat the kind that Robert made with his artificial eggs as part of his low fat diet. I cried and cried because she was no longer there at my feet and nor will she ever be again.
Today has been a really hard day.
I thought I wouldn't stop crying. It was awful.
I can leave the kitchen door open again. I've had to keep it closed since last June, when dear Kelsie had incontinent problems. She never could understand why she was kept out of the living room. It became too hard to clean up the rug.
We tried to spend a lot of time with her in the kitchen, but the past few months she was sleeping a lot in the daytime. She was very old and tired and her energy level went way down. I even had to tape pieces of wax paper on the bottom of the glass French door, so she couldn't peer in at me sitting on the couch; she would bark really loud. She couldn't understand the paper being there either. She would sometimes stand way back by the sliding door, and bark at me from there if she needed out.
I cannot believe how much I miss that dear dog. It actually feels like my heart is breaking. It hurts so badly.
Yesterday after I'd cleaned out the laundry room, I noticed this little paw print. It was like Kelsie said good-bye to me.
Goodnight, me sweet Kelsie. xo

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Farewell, my sweet little Kelsie. 2001-2018

April 28, 2001 - March 17, 2018
Kelsie, the best little dog that ever lived, is now romping at the Rainbow Bridge with all the other dear little dogs who've gone before. Little Kelsie lived a good full life, and brought us all much joy, laughter and love. There will never be another dog quite like her. How I will miss her sweet affection and funny little ways. She loved her long walks together with me and Robert, her rambles in Central Park or Foreshore Park, her doggie treats, and laying in the back yard in the sun, or watching me garden. Rest in peace my dear sweet canine friend.
These were the last photos taken of her, on Feb 6 and Feb 20th.

Celebrating Year of the Dog, February 20.
I had hoped it would be a good year...

February 18, 2018: Kelsie's paw prints in the snow for the last time. Something caused me to take a picture of this. Exactly one month ago...

Farewell dear little doggie friend of mine.
It feels like my heart is breaking.